I wonder how people could live knowing that they have pretended to be someone else. How they could hide what their true feelings are. How they smothered words that aren't true.
But there are people who inconspicuously speak out their mind, ignoring the fact the words that they muttered out might even hurt someone else's feeling. Being polite just isn't in their nature.
I despise everyday walking into a crowd who smiled at me, talked to me, or even befriended me but in truth they don't like me, they kept on judging me, making weird remarks of me in their enigmatic thoughts. Masquerading themselves with this made mask just to please other people but deep down inside their just a thorn amongst the roses.
I've always wanted a lot of friends. I want them to be countless and never-ending. But I know that just wouldn't be possible. I want to have good close friends, who understand me, who are there when I need them or to never judge me when I make silly mistakes. But they don't exist. They only exist in my conjured imagination.
They yearn for my aid, ask me so many questions that were perplexing to even comprehend but I endured every moment of it, plead for me to listen and I did, but when I was sitting in the other side of the room, no one actually cares. I was on my own.
I know I am.
I need to be more conscious now. I need to choose the right friend. I no longer believe in anyone anymore. I'll make my own decision, aid my own self, listen to my own problems. and hoping that god will make everything go much better than it is now.